UxorMaterque

First Sprinkling of 2011

2011-04-21T16:16:00.003-04:00

The weather here has been absolutely beautiful for the past week. We try to spend at least an hour or two outside every morning before the sun is too bright, and Constance and Valen are enjoying it so much! I can tell that the increased activity is good for Constance—she has a lot of energy to burn!

This was the first morning that it was warm enough for swimsuits and the sprinkler. Constance was giddy when I told her to go put on her swimsuit. We had an old piece of plastic sheeting left over from landscaping, so I set it up as a mini-slip-and-slide. Constance is not a particularly daring child, but she figured out the sliding concept very quickly!

I LOVE this picture of Valen. It really captures his personality. He is one sweet baby.
And this is his mischievous face. We see that one a lot.

The Chicks are Here!

2011-04-09T08:54:00.003-04:00

After months of planning and anticipation, Constance and I drove to the local feed store yesterday to pick up our chicks! We had planned to buy six; when we arrived, we discovered that they were having a sale-- ten free chicks if we purchased a bag of chick-feed. We needed to purchase the food, anyway, so this was a very exciting discovery! We ended up getting ten chicks and the 50 lb. bag of feed for $12.50.

Constance “checks” on them every half-hour or so; she initially wanted to hold them all the time, which might have been a little hard on them. Then one pooped (“WHY would a chick poop on me??”) on her and another pecked her (“WHY would a chick peck me!!??”), so she has given them a little more space. I hope that in a couple of years Constance will be the primary care-taker for the chickens, so I've tried to let her have as much access to them as possible. I think she has already learned a few things (firstly, as she explained to me, “I will keep my hands away from their bottoms!”).

Valen thinks that the chicks are very interesting and tries to grab them at every opportunity. He is very unhappy when I prevent him. He even tried to say “chick” yesterday.

Constance cradled the box the whole way home from the store and then installed them in their new home all by herself:

The yellow chicks are Buff Orpingtons and the red ones are Rhode Island Reds (I only wanted the Orpingtons, but Constance insisted on the red chicks! Since I had told her she could “help” me pick the chicks, I acquiesced) They are currently living in this plastic tote, but I don't think they will fit in there for much longer!

Valen's First Birthday

2011-04-06T12:26:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe that a whole year has passed since my little baby was born; now he's walking around, scaling every climbable surface, and chasing his big sister around whenever she has anything he might like to eat (his greatest loves are bread and apple cores). He talks, too-- his best word is "Mama," but he also says "baba" for apple. We all love him!

2010-11-02T13:04:00.004-04:00

Halloween is my least favorite holiday. In fact, I group Halloween with the other “holidays” which I classify mostly as attempts by retailers and card companies to extract money from consumers (Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Grandparent's Day, etc). We don't really celebrate Halloween in our family, and I had not even planned a costume for Constance (let alone Valen). However, we were invited to a low-key party, so we decided at the last minute to pull something together.

Constance, of course, was Laura Ingalls. If given a choice, she would probably have preferred to dress as Elizabeth Bennett; however, we already had the bonnet and shawl, so we went with Laura. I wish I had a picture of myself dressed as Laura at Halloween (the only costume of my childhood which I remember) so that I could demonstrate how very, very much cuter Constance's costume was than mine.

To complete her ensemble, we decided to make a rag doll (to replicate Laura's doll, Charlotte). We traced the shape of one of C's dolls so that we would get the proportions right. We made her entirely of scraps from around the house—an old bedskirt, old yarn (we used this for stuffing which worked very well), a spool of pink thread I would never have used, etc. Constance stuffed the entire thing herself:

Stuffing her body:

Stuffing the arms:

Valen also likes Charlotte. Here she is pre-clothing:

2010-10-11T16:05:00.002-04:00

I am not a very fashionable person. Honestly, I only get excited about clothes when they remind me of a BBC period dramas and/or when they are really cheap on the clearance rack at Target. I guess four blissful years of not-worrying-about-clothes because of a school uniform will sometimes do that to you (not always, though, as evidenced by my friends AWM and CSD :)).

Anyway, then I had children; now I had two and then three people to dress each (okay, most) mornings. If it were not for my generous and fashionable mother-in-law, my children would spend most of their time alternating between Target clearance rack purchases, clothes that remind me of BBC dramas, and knitwear which is made with far more love than talent.

(I am slowly meandering around to the point.)

Constance is starting to choose her own clothes. She is only three, so I don't take her current choices as any prediction of whether or not she will share my inattention to detail in terms of dress, but I am enjoying her creative combinations for now:

Close up of summer gingham/winter vest combination:

With very chic hood:
The matching skirt for the vest above, which she wears whenever possible (including other under skirts and dresses:
My favorite:

2010-09-26T10:33:00.002-04:00

This weekend, we met my parents in Rocky Mount, NC, so that they could spend some time with C & V. We drove to Medoc Mountain State Park and walked three miles-- which is a long walk with a 6 month old and 3 year old. Constance walked almost the whole way, and then Granddad carried her in the Beco for the last mile. She liked that very much.

Investigating a small toad...

2010-09-08T11:59:00.003-04:00

The weather here has been much cooler over the past week or so.. The lovely weather has reminded me so much of the first time we visited Fredericksburg when we were considering moving here-- that was a year ago this week. It has been so lovely that we spent Saturday working in the yard, and we had a picnic in the freshly mown field on Saturday night:

Constance took this picture for me:

2010-09-03T15:20:00.003-04:00

Riverbanks Zoo

When we were in Aiken, Constance, Valen and I went to the zoo with my friend Ashley and her daughter Margo. We had such a fun time! Here's Ashley in the "bird cave" with both our girls:

And Valen with the Tiger. I think everyone family who has ever visited Riverbanks has a picture of their children sitting in this tiger's lap:

2010-09-02T11:41:00.002-04:00

Before and After: The Living Room

Every weekend seems to fly by without our accomplishing much that is noteworthy around the house. It's a challenge enough to keep the grass cut (Nathan and I together eagerly await the arrival of the feeder calf in spring!) and the children clothed and (relatively) clean. However, with some serious assistance from Nathan's mother-- she sewed the curtains, chose the color, painted half the room, and gave us the cow painting, which I love-- we have basically finished the living room.

Here it is before:

And after:

We love the green. It's called “Alligator Pear,” and it is a nice dark color without feeling gloomy. My favorite parts of the room are 1) the pictures of the mantle-the cows and the silhouette of Constance, which I painted when we was 18 months old and 2) the bookshelf which my father made for me:

The first package I ever received from Amazon.com (when I was in 9^th grade! It was Till We Have Faces, by C.S. Lewis which my friend Ashley and I read together.) included a bookmark with the quotation from Cicero, “A Room without books is like a body without a soul,” and since then I have very much enjoyed having books all around me. Thanks, Dad!

2010-08-19T10:06:00.003-04:00

The Soul of Man Never Dies

To be honest, I'm generally not a big fan of spirituals. However, when I found this version of "Canann's Land" as sung by one of my favorites, Kate Rusby, the simple profundity of the lyrics (and, of course, the lovely voice of Kate Rusby!) drew me in immediately.

I was entertaining Valen yesterday by singing along to him, and as I sang the lines, "Where there will be no parting and / The soul of man never dies," I was suddenly struck anew by the absolute miracle of new life. Here in my arms is a perfect, tiny person. A little over a year ago, he didn't even exist; in God's providence, he was created out of love, he lived inside of me for more than 9 months, and now he exists forever, an immortal soul entrusted to me (me!) for the first years of eternity.
It's easy as a mother to get bogged down in details both important and insignificant. I have spent many hours researching breastfeeding, food additives, vaccines, circumcision, birth choices, etc. I could write LONG, impassioned posts about each of these issues. I believe in the importance of making informed choices, and I do believe that in the right spirit this research can be a way of loving my children. However, in the grand scheme of eternity, how much does it really matter? That's a hard question for me to cope with, because for years, I have equated "being a good mother" with making all the 'right' decisions about these issues.

I am thankful for the reminder that my most important job is to teach my children about God's love not " with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth." (1 John 3:18) All these other issues, which can seem hugely important, can also act as powerful distractions from the few things that really matter.

2010-08-19T10:00:00.004-04:00

Constance and I really enjoyed our trip to Aiken (and Evans, too!). We came down in time for David's wedding to Kelli and then stayed another two weeks to spend some quiet time with the Mathenys and the Carlsons. Here are just a few of the (hundreds) or pictures captured during our time here:

The Rehearsal Dinner:

All the Matheny siblings together! The very happy groom is David, far right:

A rarely captured family picture after the wedding:

2010-08-18T22:39:00.003-04:00

I finally found the time, while I had some parental assistance with the children, to put together book of Valen's birth (inspired by my friend Ashley, who made a similar one about the birth of her daughter). I love this book; that was such a happy, blessed day, and now that I am getting to know Valen, it seems even more amazing. I love my babies, and I loved giving birth to them, too. Enjoy!

Oh-- and the pages and pages of text are just the birth story as posted here on the blog. No way am I printing a book without at least as many words as pictures :)

Click here to view this photo book larger

2010-08-17T22:35:00.000-04:00

We've been living in our new house, with no internet access, for almost two months now (hence the two month gap between blog posts)... and I am truly enjoying it. The repairs to the house are coming along quite slowly. I'm still carrying buckets of hot water down to the basement to wash laundry (there is no line for the hot water as of yet, though my father taught me how to work with PVC pipe this week!), and we're contemplating installing a dishwasher down there as well (so great is my loathing of dishwashing that I truly would rather carrying the dirty dishes down to the basement and carry the clean ones back up).

The children are enjoying it. Well-- Valen enjoys nursing, watching Constance, and chewing on his toys. Constance, however, does seem to enjoy our life in the middle of nowhere. Here she is playing in the rain:

And here is another picture of Valen, ~ 3 months old. Of all the hats/sweaters/booties I made while pregnant, this is the only one he will probably ever wear, and it was only for the picture. What was I thinking, knitting wool baby hats for a springtime baby?

2010-06-11T09:22:00.003-04:00

Right before Valen was born, after months of uncertainty and false starts, God led us to the perfect house. It's a small house; it needs some work... but it has hardwood floors, a fireplace, a barn for chickens, and an outbuilding for Nathan's ridiculously large collection of Land Cruiser parts and tools (which, in Irmo, he kept in our dining room closet).
We've started work on renovating, and we've made lots of progress already; our goal is to move in at the very beginning of July.

Here is a view of the house from the front. The barn is in the back right corner:

The living room and fireplace-- It's not a great picture, but you can see the pretty (old-fashioned, much worn) wood floor:

The kitchen, "before." It was a sickly yellow color, but it has been repainted (by my lovely mother-in-law) a wonderful creamy coffee color (pictures to follow):

I'll post some before/after pictures as we move through the renovation. Here are some pictures of the work in progress:

2010-05-10T12:25:00.001-04:00

I am so very thankful for the interests that Constance and I have in common. She loves books and reading, it seems, almost as much as I do. We are reading chapter books now, and she sits quietly and listens while I read 30-50 pages each day. I don't know what I would do if she didn't enjoy reading; it's my favorite thing that we do together, and I am so excited about starting to teach her to read over the next few months.

One of my favorite things to do as a child was catching fish. There was something extremely exciting to me about buying a tiny green net at WalMart and heading to Hopeland Gardens to catch minnows. Constance, of course, enjoys this also. We don't have a little green net (yet!), but we do have a measuring cup, and it served us well:

My technique has improved; I caught two [and while wearing an infant!]:

2-3 Weeks

2010-04-28T14:52:00.003-04:00

We're all doing well and enjoying Valen. He's a great-- he loves to nurse and be held, and he sleeps happily next to me for long stretches at night. I am finding it much easier to enjoy the newborn stage this time; I can't believe he has already grown so much in the past three weeks!

Thank goodness for the lovely spring weather-- Constance and Valen and I have enjoyed time at the park almost every day for the past week, and Constance loves having a place to "get her energy out," as she says. Here she is in a new outfit that Pippa brought her last weekend:

And here she is preparing to jump from the picnic table (which she says is her wagon; see below,,,)

I have tried to stop trying to tell Constance "Be careful!" quite so much; she really enjoys climbing and jumping, and I think the exploring is good for her (if sometimes nerve-wracking for me!). She has such a good time:

...and this is how Valen spends all of his time at the park:

Finally, Constance's latest interest (and by "latest," I mean, for the past 6 months) is Little House on the Prairie. We started by reading all of the books by Laura herself, and Constance loved them. She received Season 1 of the Michael Landon series for Christmas this year, and she worn out the DVDs by watching them. I noticed this morning that she was doing something weird with her hat; she kept reaching up next to her ears and tugging on something. I asked what she was doing and eventually concluded that she was mimicking what Caroline does in the theme song of the show (I guess she's tying her bonnet, or tucking her hair behind her ear, or something...) Here's C's version:

I have been trying to think of ways to make her a bonnet of her own, and I realized this morning that the easiest possible method would be a quick conversion of the hats she already owns. Wow-- it was easier and cuter than I expected! She loved it:

Valen's Birth Story, with Pictures!

2010-04-15T09:00:00.018-04:00

Two warnings: first, this is a long, long post. Second, there are pictures. You won't see anything too graphic, but there's certainly some blood.

In spite of my resolve to truly trust God during my last trimester of this pregnancy, I found the last week of my pregnancy very challenging! My biggest concern-- besides having a healthy baby-- was that someone would need to travel from South Carolina or Georgia to care for Constance during the baby's birth, and I wondered whether my labor would be long enough for someone to make it. As it turned out.... yes, three times over, the labor would have been long enough. However, there was no way of knowing that at the time, and my midwives suggested that I might go into labor as soon as I knew for sure that someone had arrived who would be able to care for Constance.

Saturday, April 3

The body--and God's timing--are truly amazing! My wonderful sister Tara arrived at 10 pm on Friday evening with the intention of staying until Monday. We talked and laughed for an hour or so, and then went to bed. At 12:30 am, I woke up having contractions and bloody show. I was so excited and thankful-- I could hardly believe that it was finally happening. The contractions were painful enough that I could not sleep comfortably, so I took a few showers. I finally woke Nathan at 4 am and told him I was having contractions. I checked my cervix and guessed that I was 2-3 centimeters dilated. Since I did not dilate at all during the early stage of Constance's labor, I assumed that cervical progress meant that labor would progress quickly from that point on, and when I talked to the midwives at 5 am, they told me that I could come to the birth center if I wanted to.
In retrospect, I was entirely too happy and comfortable on my way to the birth center. Nathan and I talked and laughed and felt like we were “on a date,” since Constance had stayed home with Aunt Tara. Sure enough, when we arrived, my cervix was only 2 cm dilated and 60-70% effaced. More importantly, the contractions were much more mild than they had been during the night, so there seemed to be little chance that I would progress quickly at all. This was disappointing, but the midwives were very kind and encouraging. We went back home to walk and eat and rest; throughout the morning, the contractions slowed and almost disappeared. I was able to walk a lot, eat normally, and even take a nice, long nap. I was disappointed that my labor seemed to have stalled, and I talked to Lori, one of our midwives, at 6 pm. She told me that mothers with children often find that labor stalls when their children are up and about and then picks up again after the children are sleeping.
Again-- the body is amazing! Lori was exactly right-- almost as soon as Constance was in bed for the night, the contractions picked up again and became somewhat regular-- they lasted 45 second and were 5 minutes apart. Nathan and I took a long walk together while Tara stayed with Constance. Nathan was fantastic-- I asked him to talk to distract me from the contractions, and I also asked him to surreptitiously time them (I didn't want to focus too much on timing myself, but I did think it would be to good to know if they were regular). He talked non-stop the entire walk (which is a stretch for Nathan!) except when we stopped so I could hold on to him during a contraction.
When we finished our walk, I was a little concerned about what I was sure would be the second of two fairly long and not very restful nights, so I took a hot shower, drank a glass of wine, and tried to fall asleep. I slept from 8:30 to midnight, and when I woke up at midnight, the contractions were much stronger.

Sunday, April 4
I alternated between standing in the shower (until that became unbearably warm) and kneeling on the floor resting my head on a pillow on my exercise ball. That was a relatively comfortable position... I did almost roll off the ball three or four times when I fell asleep during contractions. I had read a birth story a few days before in which a woman described how her doula prayed for her during each contraction and thanked God that He was using the contractions to bring the baby into the world. I thought this was a great idea, and it was one of the most helpful things I did during labor.
By the early hours of the morning, the contractions were strong enough that it was hard to be completely quiet throughout them (Tara, Constance, and Nathan were all sleep in the room where I was occasionally falling off the exercise ball), so I tried making quiet “oooooh” sounds during the contractions. That was very helpful-- and Tara says I never woke her.
My goal was to make it till 5 am without calling the midwives. I was a little concerned that my contractions did not seem close enough together (they were ten minutes apart, but some of them were 2 minutes long), but I was feeling a great deal of pressure which was very uncomfortable.This was the portion of labor for which Nathan was most helpful-- I was still flailing around on the exercise ball at this point. He sat in front of me so that I could hold his hands during contractions, and then he rubbed my head to help me relax between them-- and he never laughed when I almost rolled off the ball, again.
Lori had told me that she and her partner, Tierney, believed that I would progress very quickly once I progressed to 5 or 6 cm. I was fairly certain at this point that my cervix had dilated to 5 cm at least. When I finally called Tierney at 6:25, I told her that the contractions were far apart but regular; I also told her that I was feeling a lot of pressure. I think I even told her at this point that my amniotic sac was intact, but that I suspected that once it ruptured I would progress very quickly. Halfway through the conversation, I had to hand the phone off to Nathan while I “ooooh”ed through another contraction. She told us to come in, and we left at 6:45.
Our drive to the birth center on Sunday morning was very different than our drive on Saturday. I knelt in the back seat of the car with my head resting on a pillow in the seat between contractions and then “ohhhh”ed through the contractions while staring out of the back window. It was surreal.
When we reached the birth center, the midwives were out at the street to meet us. I had a contraction just as we pulled up to the curb, so I had to kneel down in the floorboard again and get through the contraction before I could escape from the car. The midwives laughed and gave me a thumbs-up when they saw the difference between Sunday's contractions and Saturday's-- I was starting to be able to finally believe that yes, I would be having a baby before leaving the birth center again. If someone had told me that I would be pushing within an hour, I don't think I would have believed them.
We went inside and talked briefly with the midwives; they checked Valen's heartbeat with the doppler. They also checked my cervix-- it was 6 cm, and very stretchy. I think this was around 7:45. He was doing well, so I drank a bottle of Vitamin Water and we chatted with the midwives for a while about our Easter plans (had we not been having a baby) and (if I remember correctly-- it's a bit of a blur) different discipline philosophies. At one point, I was having a contraction in the bathroom and heard Tierney bring up her reservations about a baby-care philosophy which I also particularly dislike and about which I have ranted at length to Nathan on numerous occasions. I remember thinking very clearly that I was SO thankful that our baby was being born with women like Tierney and Lori... and also that I wished I could take a break from contractions so that I could also participate in the conversation.
After this I walked into the kitchen to find another bottle of water; while I was standing at the counter, I had another contraction. The urge to push was so strong that I could barely stand it, so I decided to push gently during the contraction to see what happened. While I was pushing, I felt a gentle “pop”and a gush of fluid. Constance's amniotic sac had been ruptured artificially, so I had never experienced “water breaking” before; however, I knew immediately what had happened (and I was, as silly as this may seem, SO relieved that I had put on a pad moments before and was not, therefore, leaking amniotic fluid on the midwives' nice clean kitchen floor). I was still having a contraction, but I managed to say, “Um... I think my water broke,” and everyone came in to the kitchen. The fluid was clear (which was great to see- I had expected at least some meconium staining, since Constance had also been born “post-dates” and there had been meconium in her amniotic fluid), and when Tierney checked the baby's heartbeat immediately afterwards he still sounded good. This was around 8:40. I was feeling less internal pressure but a greater urge to push.

After the membranes ruptured, the atmosphere in the room changed. Tierney and Lori opened our box of birth supplies and started warming the baby's blankets. This, I thought, was a very encouraging sign, but I still had no idea how imminent his birth was. Tierney asked if I had thought about where I wanted to have the baby, and I said that I would like to try the birth stool. I had been standing or kneeling through almost every contraction, and I could not even imagine lying down on the bed to push him out.
Tierney brought in the birth stool and spread chux pads beneath it. I had been pushing a little while standing and holding on to the end of the bed, and even though I was still able to control the urge to push, I was getting to the point that I could imagine what it would be like to not be able to control it. I sat down on the stool “just to see how it felt.”

While I was sitting on the birth stool, the urge to push became truly overwhelming. It was not so much an “urge” to push as a realization that my body was, in fact, pushing. I pushed through one contraction, still believing that I was “trying the birth stool” and that I would be up and walking around through another hour or two of labor before actually having the baby. When that contraction ended, however, I looked around and realized that everyone was sitting still and watching me. I laughed and said, “Everyone is looking at me like I'm about to have a baby” (I STILL could not believe I was about to have a baby!), and “I guess I should probably take my underwear off now.” Lori laughed and said, “Well, we do have some moms who think they can deliver their babies with their underwear on.”
I removed the underwear (a good decision, as it turns out) and sat down on the birth stool again; Nathan was sitting on a couch beside me.

I pushed through another contraction, and the pushing felt very productive. Either at the end of that contraction or the beginning of the next one, I could feel that my perineum was starting to stretch, and I tried to tell myself, “Breath through the contraction, give yourself some time,” but it was truly impossible. During the next contraction-- because I still could not believe I was actually, finally pushing out a baby-- I reached down to see if I could feel the baby's head. I could not distinctly feel his head, but I could feel that the entire perineal area was bulging around it. Tierney came over to see if she could see the baby's head-- and someone said, “I see a head,”-- and the only thing I could do to “control” the contraction was brace myself with my feet and hold on to the birth stool. The moment of pushing out his head was incredibly intense and emotional— he started crying even before his body slid out almost immediately afterwards. Tierney caught him and handed him straight up to me.

I had thought a lot about what I wanted to say to the baby after he was born-- I knew he would not remember it, but I will, and I wanted it to be meaningful. For all the time I spent thinking about it, however, I never could think of anything that seemed both natural and fitting. A few days before his birth, however, Tierney talked with us a little about using the first few moments after a baby is born to speak quietly and calmly to him and to reassure him that the ordeal of his birth (which is probably no great picnic for him, either, and he doesn't even know to expect it!) is over and that they are loved and safe. I thought this was such a beautiful idea. So, after he was born, I said (or, I think I said-- it was something like this!), “Valen, it's all right-- Happy Easter.”
I was bleeding a little at this point, and the placenta still needed to be pushed out. Tierney asked if I could push, but the relevant muscles did not feel responsive to me. I tried coughing instead, and it eventually plopped out. The midwives scooted me and Valen and the birth stool over to the bed. They helped me climb in and then wrapped a new, warm blanket around Valen; I told Nathan to come over and get into bed with us.

Valen had calmed down very quickly after his birth but was still frantically sucking his fingers and rooting around. I expected to have to work a bit with him to help him latch on to nurse, but he latched on immediately and nursed for two hours. Nathan took a picture of the baby nursing for the first time, and it is time-stamped 9:13-- 33 minutes after the picture he took of Tierney using her doppler to check the baby's heartbeat after the membranes ruptured.

The rest of our morning at the birth center was amazing. Lori and Esther, their assistant, had to leave for another birth, but Tierney stayed and made breakfast for Nathan and me (the best egg and cheese English muffins that either of us have ever tasted). Tierney completed Valen's newborn exam with him lying on the bed in front of me; he was perfect, and she gave him apgar scores of 10 and 10.

After his exam, she helped me to dress him and we passed him off to Nathan, who sat on the couch and talked to him while Tierney helped me into the bathroom.

After Constance was born, she stayed with me for two hours. After the two hours had passed, she was wheeled away from me in a clear plastic box, and a nurse I had never seen before helped me stagger into the bathroom and then measured the amount of fluid I was able to expel into the toilet. She gave me a plastic bag of pads and a pair of disposable panties and “gave me some privacy” while I pulled them on. I was wheeled into a different room by another nurse I had never seen before while my family, down the hall, watched another nurse I had never met before hose Constance off in a sink in the nursery while she screamed and screamed.

I thought about this while Nathan was sitting in the sunny room where Valen had been born, holding him and talking to him quietly, and Tierney was assisting me in the bathroom. Tierney was so kind and attentive to me-- I truly felt that she was caring for me, even though what she was doing (helping me remove my bloody socks, watching to be sure I didn't faint while standing up from the toilet) was not very glamorous.

A part of what makes birth a profound event is that it combines such extremes of human experience-- I went from moaning and occasionally rolling off of a giant green ball to holding my son for the first time to weakly lowering myself onto a toilet and removing bloody socks. I think this is a good reminder of what it means to be human, and all of us can use an occasional reminder of our own frailty. One difference between Constance's birth and Valen's birth is that, while the midwife and nurses were very involved and supportive during the management of Constance's actual birth, they were mostly absent during my labor, and I didn't see them again after Constance was born. They were present for the glorious parts of the experience, but I was on my own with Nathan for the more humble portions. This was not the case at all when Valen was being born. The midwives were very careful to allow me to “birth my own baby”-- they did not tell me when to push, how to push, or where to push; they allowed me to realize for myself that it was time for him to be born, and they were simply present to assist me if I needed them. During the time when I truly needed support, however-- the frail moments-- they were considerate, attentive, and wonderfully encouraging. I had imagined that being a good midwife was all about catching babies, but I realized, while Tierney was wringing out bloody washcloths beside me in the bathroom, that the baby-catching is a pretty small part of their vocation.

After we were all cleaned and fed and dressed, we tucked Valen into his car seat, took some pictures by the Marshall Midwifery sign in the front yard, and drove home. Valen slept the whole way, and I was able to call our friends and family and update them on his weight and length and general condition. It was a much more pleasant drive than the ride to the birth center that morning! We walked back in the door at around 1 pm-- six hours had passed since had left in the morning.

Constance met her brother,

Tara held her nephew,

and Nathan made lunch for all of us.

It was a very, very good day, and I am so thankful for an experience which was better than I knew to ask for or imagine.

Constance's Birthday, Part II

2010-04-12T14:04:00.002-04:00

I am still waiting on some pictures to post about Valen's birth; these are some pictures of C's birthday from my mom... we had such a fun weekend!

Valen David

2010-04-09T13:25:00.001-04:00

Valen was born Easter morning at 8:58. He weighed 6 pounds, 12 ounces and was 19 inches long.

I am still waiting on some pictures from the midwives to post the full birth story.

We're all adjusting very well to his arrival and are so grateful for him.

Since so many people have (understandably!) asked: his name is taken from the Latin verb valere, "to be strong."

40 Weeks +

2010-04-02T09:05:00.000-04:00

When I was pregnant with Constance, I was convinced that I would be one of those lucky women who give birth to healthy, perfectly mature babies at 37 or 38 weeks. Most of my friends at the time seemed to have their babies early or to be induced around 39 weeks, so the prospect of hanging out for a couple of weeks at "term" was not pleasant to me. To make matters worse, our original due date (based on misremembered cycles days, I certainly hope) was February 23. Constance was born on March 21 (close to her ultrasound-determined due date of March 18). In any case, I expected to find myself in labor from about the second week of February forward. That did not make for a very calm or pleasant final month of pregnancy.

In the last weeks of my pregnancy with Constance, I was convinced that something was terribly wrong-- that I was really, truly three weeks overdue; that she would be born humongous and unhealthy; that the placenta would stop functioning and she would die. When she was finally born at a very manageable and healthy 7 lbs 1 oz, I realized that I had missed a great opportunity to exercise faith and patience-- so, instead of looking back on those final weeks of pregnancy and being able to gratefully think, "I'm so glad I trusted God that my baby would be born healthy and at the right time, because here she is, and everything was wonderful!" I had to look back at that time and think, "Wow, I spent that whole time worrying and being angry and uncomfortable... and it didn't add one day to my life (or subtract one day from my pregnancy!).

I went into this pregnancy determined that things would be different. I made a paper chain with every day of pregnancy, up to and including a full 40th week, "just in case." Up till my due date on Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday (depending on which due date calculator one uses), I truly did not expect a baby. I prayed and prayed for patience and safety for myself and the baby..... and I also really, truly believed that God would reward my virtuous patience with a baby right around 39 weeks 6 days :)

But: here's Constance two days ago pulling down the 2nd in the string of the "40th week" chain, and we still have no baby!

I am trying to remember what I learned from Constance's pregnancy, and I am thankful for an active baby who reassures me very frequently that he's still healthily enjoying life on the inside too well to attempt an exit. I have to say, though, that today is a beautiful spring day, it's Good Friday-- it is a good day to be born, and I would enjoy being able to finally hold my baby!

Forty Weeks!

2010-03-30T09:35:00.001-04:00

I cannot believe how quickly this pregnancy has flown by! I finally pulled out the basket in which the baby will be sleeping for his first few weeks of life, and Constance helped me arrange his stuffed animals (Paddington Bear--imported from England by Nana and Granddad--and a duck from Nathan's grandmother). The quilt was made by Nathan's great-grandmother Margret; it means a lot to me to have something so special for our baby to sleep on. Our bags and boxes are packed for the birth center; he has a place to sleep; our closet is stocked with diapers; now all we need is a baby!

I can tell Constance is going to be quite a helper-- she asked me this morning, "Mother, when my baby brother cries, I can go and pick him up from his basket, right?" Oh my. I am sure this is going to be a very exciting time!

We all certainly appreciate prayers for a safe, healthy, and happy birth!

Constance's 3rd Birthday

2010-03-30T09:25:00.004-04:00

We celebrated Constance's 3rd Birthday last weekend; Nathan's parents, my parents, and my father's mother came up to celebrate with us. Constance had a wonderful time.
This is the first time Constance got to see Nana after her return from England:

Opening presents:

Birthday breakfast waffles:

Spring is approaching!

2010-03-13T09:07:00.005-05:00

The snow has finally (almost) completely melted, and a few days of this past week were lovely. Constance and I went to the playground on Wednesday, and she insisted on wearing this skirt, "Because, Mommy, you never know when you might need to dance." I love that she wants to wear her frilly purple skirt not only to dance with her baby but also to sit in the dirt and throw rocks into the creek-- as you can see from the pictures, she was very pleased with herself.

A Crafty Saturday

2010-02-28T11:18:00.009-05:00

I realized last week that I have only a month left to enjoy my time as a mother of one and that Constance has only a month left to enjoy her life as an only child. WIth that sobering realization in mind, I'm trying to spend these last days having as much fun as possible. We sat down on Friday to make some plans for craft projects for the next week, and we had a fun time shopping at the craft store for our supplies. The only challenge so far has been rationing the supplies. Constance was so excited to begin that yesterday was a very busy day.

One of my favorite projects as a child was decorating t-shirts with puff paint. Oh my-- the stylish designs I created (and wore with pride for YEARS, no less!). Constance chose a lime green t-shirt and a tube of brown paint. She decided, however, that she would like to "embroider" and sew on some buttons before applying the paint:

I assisted with the first two buttons and a few tangled threads, but Constance did the majority of the work. She was very pleased with the final result:

Next, Constance asked if there were some way that I could help her make an Aslan. Luckily, we had picked out a few unpainted wooden animals from the craft store, and one of them was a cat. Constance colored the cat yellow, and we used ribbon to create a mane:

Finally, Constance helped me prepare four pans of made-from-scatch orange rolls. It is very hard for Constance to watch without participating, so I gave her her own small ball of dough. If I had known how much enjoyment that child would derive from rolling and rerolling and sprinkling sugar on that little ball, we would have tried this project a lot sooner!

She spent at least an hour working on them last night and then worked on them again this morning. Here is her finished product:

...and mine:

They were pretty tasty and easy to make in bulk. This is the recipe:
http://www.cookinglight.com/eating-smart/recipe-makeovers/lighten-up-holiday-classics-00400000033944/page7.html

I have three extra pans in the freezer now-- theoretically, they're for enjoying after the baby is born, but I'll be surprised if the last that long!

Snow in VA, Part II

2010-02-14T09:26:00.006-05:00

Bethany (33 weeks pregnant!) and Nathan

Having spent almost my entire life till this point in South Carolina, experiencing this winter in Virginia has been quite an experience! Nathan does not agree with me, but I have to say that snow loses its novelty very quickly, especially when one has a toddler to entertain and the depth of the snow comes up past her knees! Constance can enjoy herself for about thirty minutes before declaring herself to be "freezing"-- here are some pictures from last weekend.

Imagination

2010-02-14T09:03:00.004-05:00

Constance is beginning to play well by herself. She often calls me over to explain what she is doing and to ask me to take pictures. Here are a few of my favorites, with Constance's explanations:

"I am nursing baby Abraxas with his nursing cover [which is actually a maternity camisole]."

She had some assistance with this one-- a quiver, bow, and arrows inspired by Susan in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. She is very proud of it, and she collects new "arrows" from the woods every time she goes out to play.

"Take a picture of me riding my horse with baby Lenora!" Constance went without a pillow for three nights so that the "horse" could stay in his "stable" in the middle of the living room. In this picture (as you can tell by the squinting) Constance has been awake for *perhaps* 30 seconds before hopping on the pony and announcing a photo opportunity. Um-- she has a lot of energy.

This is my favorite-- baby Lenora (temporarily renamed "Mary") is riding a "donkey" (the chair)-- the black belt is Constance's "leash" that she uses for miscellaneous imaginary creatures. "Mary" is on her way to Bethlehem (of course) to have Baby Jesus [a role filled by baby Abraxas].

Snow Day!

2010-02-01T11:20:00.006-05:00

This is the second big snow for VA this year, and the first that Constance and I have been able to experience. We went to Sky Meadows State Park in Delaplane yesterday to play in the snow. Constance had a fun time, and she was VERY methodical in her methods for playing in the snow:

1. Fling oneself down into the snow as often as possible:

2. Snow angels at every opportunity:

3. Throw snow into one's own face and cry.

4. Do not, under any circumstances, walk in a straight line.

5. Throw as many snowballs as possible:

An Update! 26 Weeks

2009-12-22T16:36:00.003-05:00

The blog has been dormant these past few weeks! Not much has changed for us, and I have not had consistent internet access. I *finally* succeeded in getting a Christmas picture of Constance and even a pseudo-maternity picture. This is me at 26 weeks!

And Constance:

A Little Brother

2009-11-16T18:46:00.004-05:00

We found out today that, just as we suspected, we'll be having a little boy in the spring. He looked very healthy and was moving around quite a bit during the ultrasound. We are so thankful he is healthy and seems to be growing well.

Our ultrasound technician was very competent, but she seemed much more interested in medical issues than producing good baby portraits (imagine that). It was certainly the most efficient ultrasound I have witnessed or experienced. Nevertheless, here are a couple somewhat-creepy 3-d pictures:

Just like Constance, he seems to like his hands up by his face. Here is a profile with his arm bent back towards his face (the elbow is the bottom left corner):

Here you can see his hand by his mouth:

Constance behaved SO well during the scan. She sat quietly, asked good questions, and is coping very well with the information that the baby is a boy. We spent the rest of the afternoon as a family at Riverbanks Zoo. It was a very good day.

Raining Boots

2009-10-27T20:39:00.002-04:00

Our only "rule" concerning puddles (and jumping therein) is that we must be wearing rain boots-- what Constance calls "raining boots." The temptation to jump into puddles is strong for Constance, so I do try to remember to put her in raining boots whenever there are likely to be puddles on the ground.
Today it rained all morning, so Constance put on some mud-proof clothing and her brand-new raining boots and went outside for a puddle jumping adventure.

After a little while, I was able to lure her back inside with the promise of a bath for Daisy and some hot chocolate for all of us. It was a fun afternoon.

"Least Adventurous Child"

2009-10-26T08:51:00.002-04:00

Nathan and I joke all the time that Constance could win an award for "least adventurous child." Any physical activity that involves height, g-forces, or any sort of danger not entirely self-inflicted has always been very displeasing to her.

She has been becoming steadily bolder (allowing me, for example, to actually push her in a swing). This weekend, after watching Nathan "practice" with one her babies multiple times, she finally allowed him to try the stereotypically paternal activity of tossing her up into the air. She surprised both of us (and probably herself, too!) by clearly loving the experience. Here are some pictures:

Midwife in Training?

2009-10-22T20:38:00.008-04:00

I ordered a stethoscope to attempt (just for fun) listening to Baby #2 in utero. It came today, and I spent some time listening during Constance's nap time. It's rare to hear heartbeats with a fetoscope or stethoscope before 20 weeks, but I'm practicing mastery of the instrument. No heartbeat yet (though I felt a bit of baby movement as I pushed around with the chestpiece!), but I was able to differentiate between stomach-sounds, uterus-sounds, and my own pulse/heartbeat sounds.

Constance, of course, enjoys the new toy even more than I do. I offered for her to try to hear Baby #2, but she decided instead to check on Baby Rachel's uterus (not her heartbeat, she very adamantly informed me, her uterus. She informs me that Baby Rachel's uterus is just fine.

As you can see, Constance takes the health of her baby's uterus very seriously:

Projects for Baby

2009-10-20T10:05:00.006-04:00

One of my good friends taught me how to knit before I was pregnant with Constance. She is an amazing knitter, and I have turned out to be... well... able to knit almost all the time and remember how to purl some of the time. I still have to call her or check youtube in order to remember how to bind off sometimes, which, if you know much about knitting, probably adequately communicates my relative lack of skill. I'm trying to learn more and accomplish more complex projects, so I've attempted my first sweater and have made a few hats for Constance and the new baby. Here are some pictures:

First successful sweater; I'm not sure it will actually fit a real child, since the only animal or doll it would fit is this stuffed cat...

hat and booties

almost-completed blanket

All is Well

2009-10-15T20:26:00.002-04:00

Just a quick update to say that Baby #2 seems to be getting along very well inside his/her watery world. He/She swam away from the doppler today at my midwife appointment, but we got to hear a good, strong heartbeat intermittently as the midwife chased the baby around with the doppler wand.

My anatomy scan is scheduled for November 16th!

16 Weeks

2009-10-14T14:06:00.004-04:00

We reached 16 Weeks on Monday, and so far, everything seems to be moving along smoothly. I have another midwife appointment tomorrow morning during which I will hopefully be able to schedule an ultrasound. It's exciting to think that we'll know in the next month or two whether we have a little boy or little girl swimming around in there.

...because the only thing that can improve upon the "pregnant stomach picture" is incuding the pregnant stomach twice.

Constance is currently napping upstairs; she fell asleep flipping through her Curious George book while I read Terry Pratchett's The Wee Free Men aloud to her.

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Everything I do....

2009-10-13T09:52:00.003-04:00

One of the exciting (but sobering) things about being a parent is knowing that your child is watching and learning from everything that she sees. For as many things as I have tried to teach Constance (to say "please" and "thank you," to kiss us goodnight, to count and say the alphabet), she has picked up on many other things that I did not know I was teaching her. This morning I heard a perfect impression of myself (sounding, sadly, very harsh!) telling Shock to "Be quiet, Shock! Be quiet! Be quiet! Go use the potty. GO USE THE POTTY, SHOCK!" (just to clarify, this is not how we speak to her, but how we (sometimes) speak to Shock)
Poor Shock; he looked a bit put out. I'm sure if he could talk, he would tell us, "Oh, yes, please, Nathan and Bethany-- I'd love another one of these."
I have been thinking a lot lately about my goals for Constance (that she be kind, thoughtful, honest, and good-humored, among other things) and wondering how best to encourage these traits in her. It is a little frightening to think that the best way to do so is to consistently model these behaviors myself--which I certainly do not do as consistently as I would like. Here, I suppose, is another way that our children seem to teach us just as much as we teach them.
Here is a picture of Constance 1)reading a book (which she sees me doing all the time), 2)caring for her babies (also, I think, modeling what she experienced as a baby) and 3)even wearing my sunglasses on top of her head, which I certainly never taught her, but which she sees me do almost every day.

(the top buckle of her car seat is unclipped, which I only just now noticed-- we do NOT drive around like that in general! :))

Constance and Crystal

2009-10-12T21:14:00.005-04:00

Since she was very young, Constance has loved (most) animals. Right now she is very much enjoying custodial care of Nana and Granddad's cat and aquarium. The cat is very sweet and tolerant of Constance's "affection," and hopefully Constance appreciates that this is as close to owning a cat as she will probably ever come!

Hands on your Head

2009-09-27T17:35:00.006-04:00

I had a great conversation with a friend last week about discipline. She asked what our discipline strategy was, and the gist of my unfortunate answer was, "Um, by strategy, do you mean something like a plan? Yeah, we don't really have one of those."

I read so many baby and child care books when Constance was little that I had a pretty good idea of the sort of discipline I would employ when she was an infant and very young toddler -- a very laid-back sort which mostly consisted of (ideally) providing lots of opportunities for her to be honest, obedient, and polite and as few opportunities as possible for her to be deceitful, disobedient, and rude. Most of the books I read (and liked) seemed to suggest that negative consequences at this age are of dubious benefit and that one quickly runs into the problem of diminishing returns. I tried to provide a lot of positive reinforcement and to use natural consequences (you throw the yogurt, the yogurt goes away) as often as possible when consequences seemed required.

Now, however, Constance has reached a new stage, and honestly, I sometimes find myself at a bit of a loss. Even if I wanted to spank her (which I don't), this is not a "disciplinary measure" which would be safe or appropriate to exercise in public. Discipline at home is easy-- she goes to time out, she goes to her room, or she loses the privilege she is currently excercising. In public, however, time-out is not really an option, and leaving our location to go home would be more a reward to her than a punishment.

Today, however, I had a parenting epiphany courtesy of my own parents and a brilliant discipline strategy that they came up with during long car rides. After Constance had swiped at a cereal box, a bag of chips, and eventually the ATM machine on our way out of the grocery store, I thought, "If only I could just...immobilize her hands or something!", and the classic Matheny phrase "Hands on your Head!" immediately came to mind.

It worked SO well! She placed her hands on her head, they stayed there for the duration of our check-out and ride out to the car, and she contritely apologized for her behavior. This is hardly a disciplinary philosophy is itself, so I'm planning to check out this book this week:

http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Better-Behaved-Child-Birth/dp/0316779032/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254088401&sr=8-1

Hopefully after reading this I'll add a few more strategies for guiding my spirited little girl!

Another Good Day

2009-09-18T07:36:00.004-04:00

September 17th was my much-anticipated 12 week appointment with the midwife who will hopefully deliver our second baby.
When I was pregnant with Constance, we had our first appointment at 10 weeks, at which point we got to see her waving her tiny fists on the ultrasound and hear her heartbeat with the doppler.
Hearing the heartbeat (not just seeing it on the ultrasound) is a very good sign, and though we had seen Baby #2 at 9 weeks, I was eager to hear the heartbeat.
It took Terre, my favorite midwife, a good 30 seconds to find the heartbeat. 30 seconds is a long period of silence when you're expecting a reassuring "thump thump thump thump," especially since Constance's heartbeat was almost always found immediately.
When she finally did find it, I was so thankful and relieved!
Right in the middle of that very quiet thump thump thump, there was a VERY loud "THUD." "A kick!" Terre said, and it was the most exciting thing I had heard all day.

Going through pregnancy, I am struck by two things-- there seem to be pregnant women everywhere. Half the women I see, it seems, are pregnant. At the same time, my own pregnancy feels unique and special and sometimes almost miraculous. In my experience, this is a pretty good preparation for motherhood in general-- it is a mixture of the miraculous and mundane, the intensely personal and the exceedingly common. I will NEVER forget the day Constance was born. It was one of the most important days of my life... and yet, on that same day, THOUSANDS of other women were also in labor, experiencing one of the most important days of their lives.

I thought about this yesterday as I was waiting to hear that tiny thump thump thump.
"Please please please please" was all I could think to pray, and as common as that prayer must be, it is such a comfort to believe that God loves me and cares about even the most "common" of my concerns. And-- still better-- he knows and loves this baby, too.

A Great Day....

2009-09-18T07:14:00.006-04:00

September 16th was my birthday; Nathan was able to come home early from work and take Constance shopping for our birthday dinner and cake, and my mother-in-law very kindly helped Constance choose a gift for me, a coffee mug decorated with botanical prints of one of my favorites birds. This is the first gift she has ever really given me, so it is pretty special to me (thank you, Nora!).

Here's Constance "signing" my card...

Fredericksburg, VA

2009-09-15T11:18:00.010-04:00

This weekend, we drove up to Fredericksburg, VA, for our first family vacation in almost a year.
On Septempber 11, Constance and I visted the Battle of Fredericksburg memorial and cemetery. We walked over the battlefield-- it was sobering to think that we were walking and laughing and picking wildflowers in a place where thousands of men died.

On our last day we visited a nice park on the edge of a creek; Constance enjoyed running around with her baby and exploring the creek bank.

2009-09-08T09:19:00.001-04:00

Babies Don't Keep

2009-09-06T09:37:00.002-04:00

My friend Amy has had the last stanza of this poem on her facebook page for years. I think about it frequently, and this morning I did a little googling to determine the origins. Now that I have been thinking about caring for a newborn again, I am remembering all of the sweet (if slightly hazy) moments I spent nursing and rocking Constance when she was small-- I would not trade those moments for the world.

Babies Don’t Keep
By Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Lullabye, rockaby, lullabye loo.
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo,
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo,
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs;
Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

Constance at Hopeland Gardens

2009-09-02T21:20:00.000-04:00

Constance

2009-08-31T08:24:00.000-04:00

Constance is 30 months old. She is a thoughtful, amusing, creative, and messy child. This morning, she poured sea salt into her raspberry tea ("to cool it off a little bit"), then found my canister of raw sugar and added a bit of that, too. I decided to let her experience the consequences of these actions, and though she did not seem to notice the salt, I did find her 30 seconds later with a 1/4 cup of sugar in a ramikin (perhaps another 1/4 cup on the ground), brown crystals stuck all over the bottom half of her face. "I have poured some sugar into another cup because I like it." So it would seem.

Here are some things about Constance right now that I want to remember:
She says...
"popsidoke" for popsicle
"FLA-min-go" for flamingo
"nesterday" for yesterday

I asked her a question yesterday, and she answered, "Weeelll.... not necessarily."

She is very excited about having a baby brother or sister. She checks all the time to make sure the baby is still "inside my uterus," and (though I have explained about fifty times that one must be married to have a baby inside one's uterus) periodically informs me that she has babies inside her uterus, also. Most of the time, these are baby dogs or elephants.

Every few days, she stops in the middle of an activity, looks up, and says happily, "Mommy (or Nana).... I am so glad you are here."

No child is perfect, and Constance certainly is not-- but I thank God for giving us the perfect child for us. I see so much of both of us in her, and I hope I am learning as much from her as she is learning from us.

Bethany

First Post!

2009-08-31T08:05:00.000-04:00

Blog-creation has been a long time coming for me. It appeals to me mightily, as I enjoy writing and I enjoy following other blogs. I have resisted thusfar...but now that we're happily expecting a new baby-- and now that my parents will be spending some time out of the country-- I realized that a blog would be a great way to keep them informed of our goings-on. I also learned a few weeks ago that there are numerous companies out there which will print books from blogs. Since I entirely failed to keep any sort of baby-book for Constance (and she the cherished first born), I am hoping that this blog will motivate me to keep track of her "milestones" and the new baby's, too.

So this will mostly be a baby-following blog, which are a dime a dozen on the internet, I know. I hope our friends and family will find it interesting and that the little Carlsons will enjoy reading through it someday!

Bethany